Love Your Family? Get it Together!
This article was originally published in the Kingsport Times-News on February 7, 2021. Click here for a PDF of the original article.
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. This holiday has always been one of my favorites because the primary purpose of the holiday is to celebrate the people we love and to figure out ways to express this love. We may be buying (or making) cards, ordering roses, buying candy, or planning dates. All of these efforts are intended to communicate our affection.
When our daughters were younger, Valentine’s Day brought one of my favorite traditions. Every year, we eagerly anticipated getting the February issue of FamilyFun magazine. This issue always included ideas for making simple Valentine’s Day cards. I still remember some of those cards and the fun we had making them together.
An Out of the Box Gift Idea
If you’re a parent, I’ve got an idea for a slightly different gift you can give to your children (and your grandchildren if you have them). It’s actually a gift for both you and your children. This is definitely a non-conventional gift, and it isn’t necessarily wrappable. It will take some time to prepare this gift. But I guarantee that it will be time well-spent and will be appreciated. The gift I am referring to is taking the time to plan for your own illness or death by getting all of your records together.
Before you stop reading either because the topic is too morbid or because you think you’re already done that, I encourage you to read on. I am passionate about this topic largely because I have seen so many poor examples of people who are not prepared because they weren’t willing to spend the time on this critical task. I’ve helped many families whose parents and grandparents left them a house stuffed full of belongings because they didn’t take the time to declutter and to make arrangements. I’ve helped families who were left with no idea who to contact, where to find passwords, what bills needed to be paid, and how to find other vital information. In the event of a serious illness or death, our loved ones will already be struggling with providing care or with grieving. Without preparing, we are adding many additional burdens to their already heavy load.
Don’t Wait Too Late
It is never too early to begin this task, but it can certainly be too late. No matter our age or our current state of health, none of us is promised tomorrow. I truly believe that every adult needs to go through this process.
My husband Eric and I are in our mid 50’s and are in excellent health. We made the time a couple of years ago to complete this task, and it has given us such peace of mind. We are now assured that if something were to happen to one or both of us, our adult children and the rest of our extended families would know exactly what to do. They have access to every single bit of information they need, and they have a step by step plan.
Before we began this process, we knew about some of the steps we needed to take. But we quickly learned that there was much more to it than simply writing our wills and having a durable power of attorney for healthcare. I’d like to share with you the excellent resource we used to complete this task. Whether you use this particular resource or not, I urge you to prioritize getting your records together.
A Valuable Resource
The resource we used to get our records together is a book called Get It Together: Organize Your Records So Your Family Won’t Have To. Written by Melanie Cullen and attorney Shae Irving, the book is now in its ninth edition. It is available on Amazon as a paperback, spiral bound, or Kindle edition. The Kindle edition also contains downloadable worksheets. For those who prefer paper, there is also a companion Binder & Tab Set that follows the book’s format. All of the forms can be customized to fit your unique needs.
Topics included in the book include: biographical information for you and your extended family, pets, employment, business interests, memberships and communities, service providers (healthcare and others), durable power of attorney for finances, wills and trusts, insurance, banks and brokerage accounts, retirement plans and pensions, government benefits, credit cards and debts, secured places and passwords, taxes, real estate, vehicles, other income and personal property, final wishes for organ donation, funeral services, and burial or cremation. I am including this extensive list in hopes that reading it will help you realize that while you may think you’ve already “gotten it together”, you’ve got much more work to do. One of the best features about the book is that not only does it give you a way to collect all of this information, it also gives family members an easy to follow step by step plan that will prove indispensable in a tumultuous time.
Make a Plan
Since you’re reading this on February 7th, and Valentine’s Day is one week away, it’s probably unreasonable to think that you’d be able to complete this in time for Valentine’s Day. However, I recommend that you communicate your intention to give this gift soon. Tell your children that you have started the process as an act of love for them. This simple statement will add accountability and push you to work on it, even when you’d much rather be binging on your favorite Netflix show.
For Eric and I, the most helpful way we found to make progress was to set aside one evening a week for it. We planned a very simple dinner on those nights (grilled cheese and canned soup) so that meal preparation and cleanup was quick. By doing a little on it each week and advancing forward, we were motivated to work to completion. When we finished, we set up a plan to revisit these records at least once a year to update anything that has changed.
Recruit Help
I cannot encourage you strongly enough to make a plan today for completing this crucial undertaking. If you need help, call on your loved ones or close friends. For some of the sections, you’ll likely want to enlist the help of an attorney. As a professional organizer, I am a specialist in assisting with decluttering and making a plan for your possessions, and I would be honored to help you.
Happy Valentine’s Day! I’m hoping that soon, your children will be able to tell you that this unconventional gift was the best Valentine’s Day gift they ever received.