What to Do with Dead People's Stuff

In a world where possessions often define us, what happens to the things that belonged to someone who is no longer here? Are we obligated to keep them, or is there a more meaningful way to honor their memory? The question of what to do with a loved one's belongings can be a complex one, filled with both sentimentality and practicality.

In this final article in my series, Categories of Clutter, I’m focusing on items left behind by a loved one who has died. Deciding what to do with someone’s belongings after they die can be extremely difficult and emotionally charged. Since most of us will find ourselves in this situation at some point, my goal in this article is to equip you with the tools you’ll need. 

Principle 1: There are no rules. 

As I always said when beginning work with a client, “It’s your stuff, your decision.” In this case, although these belongings didn’t originate with you, they’ve been placed in your care. So you get to decide. 

Depending on how well you knew the person or how recently the person died, you may be grappling with powerful emotions. While some things may be easy to let go, others may simply be too difficult right now. Give yourself grace to make the decisions when you’re ready. 

Principle 2: Be sensitive to others. 

Although your loved one’s belongings may have been placed in your care, you may not be the only one who needs to give input into the decisions. Be sure to include anyone whose input is appropriate. Be wise and thoughtful in your conversations. Families have been torn apart in arguments over a dead person’s belongings. 

Principle 3: Separate the memories

We may struggle to let an item go because of the memories that we associate with the item. But we have to remind ourselves that the memories aren’t literally attached to the object. The memories exist independently, “stored” in our minds and in our hearts. We don’t have to hold onto the object to hold onto the memory. There are other ways we can preserve the memory without keeping the objects. 

We could take a picture of the object and put the picture in a physical or digital frame or use the picture as a screensaver. We could write or record a story about the object. If we can’t use or display the object as is, we could transform it into something we can use or display. 

Principle 4: Know your limits

Our space is limited, and our house isn’t supposed to be a museum. We need to prioritize holding onto things that are useful to us now or that we will need in the future. By limiting what we keep, we can restrict our collection of sentimental items to a manageable level. 

Let the space make the decision by defining a particular number of containers, shelves, drawers, etc. Decide how much space in your home you can dedicate to this category, and then choose the most special items until that space is full. 

Principle 5: Honor your loved one by using (or displaying) the items

Don’t relegate items left behind by a deceased loved one to the depths of your attic, basement, garage, or storage unit. Figure out a way to use or display them if possible. You’ll get a lot more joy out of actually using your grandmother’s ceramic dish as a serving piece than you ever would out of keeping it boxed up. Isn’t that why she made it anyway—to be used?

In the case of a collection, if you can’t use or display all of the items, try keeping a small subset and letting the rest go. Some examples include saving a few pieces of a china set, one doll from a collection of Madame Alexander dolls, or one piece of jewelry from a collection of antique jewelry. Then you can let the rest of the collection find a use somewhere else. 

Principle 6: Honor your loved one by giving the items a new life

Sometimes it’s helpful to ask a few questions about what your loved one would want. 

• Would my loved one want me to keep this out of guilt?

• If my loved one knew there were people in need who could be helped by this item, would he/she want me to donate it? 

If your loved one was a giving person, he/she would probably want you to pass it on to someone less fortunate. This very act would honor your loved one’s spirit of giving. 

Principle 7: Consider the future of your own items 

Before leaving this topic, I believe there’s a deeper question that needs to be explored. Let’s flip the equation and consider what will happen to our own belongings when we die.

We might imagine that when we die and our loved ones are making decisions about our belongings, they will be grateful for what we saved because they’ll be able to use many of the items and they’ll make a lot of money selling the valuable items we collected over the years. But in the majority of cases, the truth is that very few of the items left behind are actually needed or wanted, and the value of the belongings is much less than what we think. In addition, our loved ones likely don’t have time to do the work involved to sell any items that do have value. While estate sales can be helpful and yield some income in certain situations, many items left behind may end up being donated or removed by a junk removal company, and your loved ones will have to pay for that service. This may seem harsh, but if you have ever had to deal with someone else’s things after their death, you understand completely.

I strongly encourage you to consider your own belongings and to make a plan for them now. The longer you wait to deal with your accumulated possessions, the more difficult the process will be. Any time and thought you put into this now will be much appreciated by your loved ones who will be handling what you leave behind.